Writings from Christine

What Type of Divorce Do You Want

by on June 10, 2016

No one gets married wanting to go through a divorce. But unfortunately, it happens even to the best of couples. Irreconcilable differences, affairs, addiction, abuse, or abandonment are some of the reasons a person decides a divorce is the only solution. But before the next move is made, consider these different types of separating.

Roll over and play dead. This is the least effective method of divorcing. Basically, one spouse controls all aspects of the divorce process while the other spouse gives into the demands. Some wrongly believe that inactivity halts the process. It will not. The result is often litigation at a later date after the papers have been signed. The silent spouse finally wakes up and realizes the ramifications of not paying attention. This mistake can be very costly in the end.

BFF (best friends forever). Most want this type of divorce but in reality very few obtain it. If a couple could get along in marriage, then they would not need a divorce. It is a nice thought to want to remain friends but divorce is not nice. Rather, it is a division of property, persons, family, memories, and dreams. Things may begin amicably but rapidly deteriorate into another type of divorce.

Sneak attack. This divorce is well planned in advance but the opposing spouse has no idea it is coming. Literally, the first indication of a looming divorce is being served papers. The sneaky spouse may appear to be nice about the process but their spouse needs to wake up and pay attention. A well-thought-out process is a signal of good and abundant counsel. The other spouse needs to get the same amount of counsel from another advisor.

Escape plan. Occasionally, a spouse needs to escape an abusive or dangerous situation. Before leaving, make sure there is a safe location, access to resources/finances, and copies of all important documents. It usually is not possible to take a lot of property, so stash only the most critical items in a storage unit prior. The escaping spouse should have one or two close friends know of the plan. Restraining orders and other legal action should already be in place before departing. The departure time needs to be flexible within a fixed deadline.

Make life miserable. This type of divorce happens when one spouse has been hurt by the other and they use the process as a form of revenge. Unfortunately, when kids are involved, they are innocent victims of massive crossfires. The anger generated is overtly aggressive with verbal attacks, reprimands, belittling, and name-calling. There is also the silent treatment, rewriting of history, and twisting the truth. All of these tactics make life miserable for the other spouse and that is the intent.

Make lawyers rich. Some divorces deteriorate into excessive litigation where the only winners are the lawyers. This is the most costly way to divorce. Both spouses abuse the legal system to drag out the process and exhaust their opponent. Unfortunately even after the divorce is finalized, there are numerous modifications and adjustments, especially as the kids ages. This love turned hate relationship doesn’t allow either person to give ground unwillingly. As a result, the unhealthy connection between the two lasts long after the divorce and even spills over into new relationships.

Quick way out. Depending on where the divorce takes place, there can be very quick and efficient methods of getting a divorce. The best thing is to mutually consult with an attorney to review the options. Some utilize mediation instead of the court system. This is only appropriate for situations where the divorce is mutually agreeable, neither is looking for revenge, and the division of property is limited. Some states will not allow this process if there is a parenting agreement that needs to be put in place.

This is no one way to divorce correctly. Depending on the situation, a divorce may be a combination of more than one of the types mentioned. Understand the pitfalls of costly litigation, revenge-seeking, giving in, and not being realistic before asking for a divorce.

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Posted under: abuse Divorce Writings from Christine

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