Clara braced herself for a long weekend with her in-laws. It was her husband’s birthday and his mother invited them by saying, “Only I know how to properly celebrate our special day.” Their relationship had always been strange but the physical distance helped minimize contact. His mom treated her son like he walked on water;… (more…)
John and Sue were frustrated by their adult daughter who by 35 years old had two failed marriages (everything was the ex’s fault), lost the last five jobs (her bosses hated her and wanted to get rid of her), had several plastic surgical procedures (she HAD to have these), and was now living back at… (more…)
The 1981 movie, Mommie Dearest, which is based on the autobiography of Joan Crawford, was written by her daughter, Christina Crawford. While there is much speculation as to the truth of her story, other daughters of narcissistic mothers would say the story rings true for them. The infamous wire hanger scene where Joan rages over… (more…)
A few days ago, I received a desperate phone call from my dear friend, Angie. Her narcissistic ex-husband texted life-threatening messages to her new husband. This wasn’t the first time she or he had been threatened, however this time the intimidation tactic was specific, graphic, and within the realm of possibility. The police were notified… (more…)
Click on title to listen, then play. https://understanding-todays-narcissist.sounder.fm/episode/e02-narcissistic-cycle-of-abuse To get your copy of the book, Abuse Exposed, click here.
Beneath all of that bravado and charm lies a hidden secret the narcissist doesn’t want you to find. They will do anything to protect their secret from you. They might lie about it. Or they might divert your attention with an innovative story. Or they might project their secret onto you. Come close to figuring… (more…)
Have your clients experienced a time when their narcissistic spouse lost control and became scary angry? Did they cause physical pain? Do your clients feel that somehow they provoked it? Narcissistic spouses will blame others for their abusive behavior. “You made me upset,” “If you won’t say this (or act that way), then I won’t… (more…)
Are your clients struggling with difficult people in their lives? As a clinician, there is a huge temptation to diagnose the difficult person and then dismiss them as unhealthy. But sometimes it is not easy to separate because they may be a spouse, parent, employer, or neighbor. Developing boundaries with your client is the best… (more…)
Sometimes the charm of a narcissist inhibits your client from seeing the narcissism. When your client first met their spouse, there was something about them that was enticing. It seemed like an irresistible pull to someone who so perfectly matched their needs and wants. However, the fairy tale engagement and marriage came to an abrupt… (more…)
The cycle of abuse Lenore Walker (1979) coined tension building, acting-out, reconciliation/honeymoon, and calm is useful in most abusive relationships. However, when a narcissist is an abuser, the cycle looks different. Narcissism changes the back end of the cycle because the narcissist is constantly self-centered and unwilling to admit fault. Their need to be superior,… (more…)
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