“Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!” Sir Walter Scott wrote this famous line in his poem titled Marmion about the Battle of Flodden (1808). (Interestingly enough, it is often misattributed to William Shakespeare.) His poem recounts a love story that survives despite a web of deceptions, manipulations, mischaracterizations,… (more…)
Abuse has a pattern similar to addiction. Once the abuser has utilized an abusive method for a long period of time, the victim develops a tolerance to the abuse so it no longer has the same effect. This aggravates the abuser who then escalates. It should be noted that there are seven primary ways a… (more…)
The other day, a client came in describing his wife’s behavior as Borderline Personality Disorder. He had numerous examples of how perfectly she fit the profile and how he had been traumatized by her behavior. For example, she was fearful of his abandonment and in desperation would rage anytime he mentioned separation. Yet every time… (more…)
A popular acronym for fear is false evidence appearing real. However, for the person experiencing this emotion, the evidence seems very realistic and eminent. These fears can paralyze a person for moments or even a lifetime if left unattended. They are dominant and determinate factors in daily decisions, thoughts, actions, behaviors, and other emotional responses…. (more…)
The path to healing after an abusive marriage is more like a winding mountain road than a straight line. Just when a person thinks they are moving forward, the road makes a sharp turn backward. Sometimes the best way to illustrate the journey is through a story. Here is Michelle’s route. After 25 years of… (more…)
The phrase “toxic relationship” is thrown around quite a bit in our culture. But what really defines a toxic relationship? And how can a person know they are in the middle of one? Fortunately there are early warning signs. Yet it is unfortunate that are frequently overlooked in exchange for attention, affection, excitement, and the… (more…)
The road to recovery is paved first with good intentions then morphs into hard work, determination, resolve, and commitment. Good intentions can start the process but it is not enough to complete it. Imagine a stretch of highway on a flat road that is far easier to pave than it is to engineer a bridge… (more…)
A person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) has an intense fear of abandonment, demonstrates dangerous and impulsive behaviors, has unstable personal relationships, and experiences extreme emotions. They can have severe depression, anger, anxiety, or rage followed by substance abuse and self-harming behaviors. Yet, they can be the most passionate loving people who are highly sensitive… (more…)
There is a moment of realization when working with a person who seems nice on the surface that something is not right. It usually comes in a flash and without awareness, it retreats just as quickly. It is important to listen to those warning signals. Deceptive people often mask their deviousness, anger, manipulation, and controlling… (more…)
Hands down, the number one question I get asked in therapy is “Why would they do this?” Mostly, this stems from a person who has been abused and is trying desperately to understand why their attacker is abusive. There are seven forms of abuse: verbal, mental, emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and spiritual. After a person… (more…)
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