The Difference between Obstinate Teenagers vs. Budding Narcissists
It can be difficult to discern the difference between obstinate teenage behavior and a budding narcissist. After all, narcissism cannot be officially diagnosed until a person reaches the age of eighteen. However, the person needs to have demonstrated narcissistic behavior for a period of five year prior to the actual diagnosis. So how can a parent figure out whom they are dealing with?
Here is a chart that might help to clear up the confusion between the two:
| Obstinate Teenager | Budding Narcissist | |
| School work | Complain about the work and blame teachers, parents and the system for the dysfunction but eventually do the work. | Complain about the work and blame everyone but refuses to do the work unless there is a tangible benefit or the teacher submits to their way of doing things. |
| Chores | Refuses to do chores unless threatened or punished with no money or car privileges. | Refuses to do chores and sees threats as a challenge. Frequently bribes or manipulates siblings into doing their work. |
| Siblings | Oscillates between liking and disliking siblings. | Is sugary nice to siblings when they want something. Bullies them to get their way. Is abusive (verbally or physically) when siblings don’t automatically comply with their wishes. |
| Parents | Is defiant and/or rebellious against parental authority but has not always demonstrated this behavior. | Has no respect for parental authority. Seeks out ways to publically embarrass parents. Holds grudges and refuses to recognize or live within any boundaries. |
| Teachers | Constantly finds fault with teachers and school system. | Selectively chooses which authority they deem worthy of their attention. Is prejudicial with certain types of authority to the point of name calling, refusal to submit, and blatant disrespect. |
| Friends | Values some friendships. Is emphatic towards those they approve but is harsh towards those they don’t like. | Shows repeated prejudice and superiority even towards peers. Has surface level friendships and shows no empathy. |
| Entitlement | Believes they deserve things just because they want them and is “annoyed” when it doesn’t happen. | Will throw a 2 year old like temper tantrum if they don’t get what they believe they are entitled to receive. |
| Appearance | Likes to wear clothes that are disarming and draws attention. | Are extremely particular about clothing. Demands the best, designer labels, and are always well groomed. Very appearance driven. |
| Criticism | Hates to be criticized. Immediately rejects it but will think about it later and might even conform. | Perceives insults where there were none. Immediately hates the person who gave criticism and begins a verbal assault. Will seek revenge. |
| Attitude | Unaware of how their behavior or attitude affects others. Shows some but not a lot of remorse for things done wrong or gratitude towards those who are kind. | There is no remorse for their mistakes, instead they seek to blame others. There is no gratitude for what others do for them, rather an expectation that they deserve it. |
| Achievements | Minimize achievements and can be self-deprecating when the achievements are recognized. | Exaggerates achievements and constantly tries to one-up those around them. Seeks out opportunities to be recognized even if they did not do the achievement. |
Posted under: Narcissism Writings from Christine
I would like to contact you about my 9 year old son, if possible. He’s been showing signs of a personality disorder and because of his age I haven’t know what to do with him. Your article description of a budding Narcissist seems pretty accurate for him. I tried sending an email but your link would not let me submit it. I’m also wondering if you feel like you webinar series would be helpful. It seems like it might be too late to sign up.
I’m glad it was helpful! Thanks for letting me know about the email, I’ll fix that today. Here is my email at work… GrowWithChristine@gmail.com. We can set up a 15 minute free consult and go from there.